Fat Theology


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And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and


spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and


Woman would live long and healthy lives.




And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the


99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want


fries with that?"




And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.




And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her


figure that man found so fair.




And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.




And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."




And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.




And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and


olive oil with which to cook them."




And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed


its own platter.




And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the


roof.




And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose


those extra pounds.




And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man


would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.




And Man gained pounds.




And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."




And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in


fat and brimming with nutrition.




And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy


center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour


cream dip also.




And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips


swaddled in cholesterol.




And Satan saw and said, "It is good."




And Man went into cardiac arrest.




And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.




And Satan created HMOs.