10> You have a reserved parking space with your name on it -- at traffic court.
9> You spend an inordinate amount of time scraping hair and bone out of your front grille.
8> You get more unwanted tickets than friends and family of the Detroit Tigers.
7> After less than 10 minutes in your car, Saddam and his sons change their minds and now "feel like walking to Jordan."
6> Your family already has a roadside cross ready to mark the inevitable spot.
5> Earl Scheib just named his new 160-foot yacht after you.
4> You see more middle fingers than a manicurist.
3> The highway patrol cops in your state have memorized your date of birth, social security number, home address, license plate number and how many points you have left before your 39th trip to traffic school, which is named after you.
2> The other day, you ran right into the garage door -- and it was *up* at the time.
and the Number 1 Sign You May Be a Bad Driver...
1> Every time your cell phone rings while you're putting on makeup, you spill your tea, drop your Game Boy and rear-end the car in front of you on the freeway.
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Useless in the Parking Lot
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.
When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.
She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.
She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.
Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God!
You even sent me a Professional!"
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Watch Out For That Tree
A state trooper pulls over a car on a lonely back road and approaches the driver. "Sir, is there a reason you're weaving all over the road?"
The driver replies, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rearview mirror, the officer says, "Sir, that's your air freshener."
