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You are not Tiger Woods, no matter who you are
December 11, 2:38 PMHouston Black Culture & Traditions ExaminerSharon Watkins Jones
Rush Limbaugh, self-proclaimed Negro morale expert, said Tuesday that due to the racial prevalence (white) of Tiger Woodsâ€™ alleged bevy of mistresses and his wife, black Americaâ€™s â€œframe of mind is terrible.â€
What about the other races on the cablinasian spectrum? Did Rush check to see how Thai Americans were feeling these days? Apparently Rush even failed to â€œAsk a Black Dudeâ€ before he spoke on our behalf. Well, at least one black American woman is feeling quite fine these days, thank you very much, Mr. Limbaugh.
While Tiger has certainly been a topic of discussion in black American homes, on Facebook and talk radio, very few of us (particularly black women) are feeling slighted. Most are perfectly content with the fact that the women crawling out of the woodwork to admit their dalliances with Mr. Woods do not resemble family.
That being said, none of us should place too much emotional stock in Tigerâ€™s personal life. We absolutey cannot relate to his particular situation.
You think you know, but you have no idea what it feels like to be Tiger Woods. No matter what Nike said, the average American (black, white or polka-dot) knows that he is not, has never been and never will be Tiger Woods. Here are five reasons why:
5. No other human plays golf like Tiger Woods. Some professionals get lucky enough to beat him every now and then, but even they know that God is temporarily smiling on their stroke.
Tiger is four victories short of the record for most major championships won, set by Jack Nicklaus in 1965. Woods was the youngest Masters champion at age 21. He is currently the ripe old age of 33, when most men only begin to learn the game. Who in the world can say that? Not you. You are not Tiger Woods.
4. Tigerâ€™s racial heritage is uniquely his own. The odds are fairly slim that anyone shares Tigerâ€™s specific, diverse mixture of one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter African, one eighth Native American and one-eighth Dutch. Sounds like a recipe for awesomeness no matter how you stir it. Itâ€™s badass and it belongs only to Tiger.
You probably claim whatever you appear to be, just like the rest of us regular folk. You do not know how it feels to be cablinasian, and you did not coin that word. Tiger did. You are not Tiger Woods.
3. Hollywood eats its young. Each and every celebrity who started out as a child is destined for his or her own episode of Behind the Music, Unsung or Where Are They Now? Rise and fall, trajectory and tragedy are the norm, not the exception for folks who capture the attention and affection of the world at a young age. Who can balance themselves on the peak of a mountain indefinitely?
You did not appear on CBS News and the Mike Douglas Show, trading putts with Bob Hope at age 2. You did not shoot 48 for nine holes at the age of 3. You cannot relate to the pressures of being a golf anomaly from the time you could walk. You are not Tiger Woods.
2. Experience breeds maturity - when youâ€™re allowed to have some. Ordinary teens and twenty-somethings get to kiss a few frogs before finding a happily-ever-after. Most of us have a heartbreak or two (or render a few) away from the flashing lights of paparazzi. In addition, we got to do it the good olâ€™fashioned way, without cell phone cameras, email and text messages to leave a trail of â€œwhat-the-hell-was-I-thinkingâ€ evidence in our wake.
You got a chance to deal your dirt, sow your wild oats, hit-it-and-quit-it and stumble upon true love (or not) away from the magnifying glass of the tabloids and without anyone looking to make a buck by affiliating with you. Chances are, you were just as skanky as the skanks you skanked around with. Your children (and perhaps your neighbors) will never know your path of progression from sinner to saint. You are not Tiger Woods.
1. Three strikes and youâ€™re out. Tiger Woods has three strikes for and against him. He is famous, attractive and extremely rich. With those three attributes in his back pocket, he can trust few people. Unfortunately, Tiger has lost one of the persons he most trusted to navigate him through these dangerous waters, his father, Earl Woods.
Who tells a young man with the world at his fingertips that he is messing up? No one who is on his payroll (or hoping to be) tells Tiger â€œno.â€ You probably have a core group of true friends and family willing to tell you when you need a breath mint or need to pull up a chair and sit down.
You may be rich and famous, but not necessarily attractive (think Donald Trump and Rush Limbaugh). You may experience some fame, without physical attraction or money (just like the idiots who audition for American Idol each season). You may be attractive, with no fame or fortune (my category), but, you are not a triple threat. You have no frame of reference for Tigerâ€™s lifestyle as a reasonably good-looking, world famous, billionaire athlete.
For those interested, here is a recent picture of his wife;
ROFLMAO...usually guys think women are pushovers, but she got him good! Makes me think of Mike Tyson and Robin Givens. Makes me also think of Chris Brown and Rhianna. Robin and Rhianna could take a lesson from this woman! Get a golf club!
Wonder if she used a putter?
LOL...she should become the next female lightweight champion! You don't even need the gloves!
ME-OOOOOOOW! Yummy Yummy Yummy...here comes Stallone! Eye of the Tiger and Eye of the Cougar...a match made in Heaven. Man, how am I going to keep track now? I've got Elvis on the other line. LOL
You go girl! Make money teaching Robin Givens and Rhianna what you know! Show them how to do it! Robin, don't bite Tyson's ear off, knock it off with the golf club! Rhianna, don't just sit there while Chris Brown hits, whack him with that golf club! I want all three of these girls in the ring, taking on these guys! That would be a site to see! Come on girls, let them feel it!
good thing she used a putter instead of a driver ,i mean good thing that air bag didnt fail completly,and she saved him.
LOL...good thing we women don't really want to kill them, we just wanna make them suffer!
norm i refuse to answer that question on the grounds if i told the truth id offend people,hint its all about the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
There is a very simple answer for this question.
Tiger knows what sweet meat is!!!!
LOL..you all are funny.
so he likes white meat over dark meat, his crime is what ???
"One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express." -Conan O'Brien
"The tabloids are chock full of stories about Tiger Woods and various women. He wrote on his Web site today that he was guilty of 'transgressions' - which is a classy way of saying some of his foursomes were actually threesomes." -Jimmy Kimmel
"People are speculating that Tiger Woods and his wife are thinking of moving to Sweden. Because if there's one place to get away from hot blondes, it's Sweden." â€“Conan O'Brien
"I have to say, not a great day for President Obama. A new poll shows that President Obama has the lowest approval rating of any first-year president in the history of presidents. Things are so bad today the president said the surge in Afghanistan was all Tiger Woods's idea." â€“Craig Ferguson
"A California congressman named Joe Baca has announced he's no longer pursuing legislation that would have given Tiger Woods the Congressional Gold Medal. He released a statement saying, 'In light of the fact that Tiger has comported himself in a manner utterly lacking in character, dignity, and ethical integrity, I am withdrawing Tiger Woods from consideration for the Congressional Gold Medal and instead I'm recommending that he run for Congress.'" â€“Jimmy Kimmel
"But in terms of the temperature, going up and up and up, we are making some progress. Today over there at the conference in Copenhagen, they put a cap on the number of hot girlfriends for Tiger Woods. That's going to cool things off a little bit." â€“David Letterman
"Talk about bad timing. The latest issue of Golf Digest has Tiger Woods and President Obama on the cover. I don't think Michelle's going to let the President hang with Tiger too much longer." â€“Jay Leno
"This Tiger Woods thing has had an effect on a lot of people. In fact, earlier today, Elizabeth Edwards went out and bought a new set of golf clubs." â€“Jay Leno
"Speaking from West Point, NY, the President announced he will send 30,000 additional troops to Afghanistan over the next six months and 2,000 additional troops to Tiger Woods's mansion in Orlando. Peacekeeping forces." â€“Jimmy Kimmel
"Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress." -Stephen Colbert
There have been 12 women identified as having sexual relations with Tiger Woods and they are all white. He appears to be racist. I wonder why CNN and MSNBC hasn't picked up on the racist angle on this story.
I can tell you how to make a man stop cheating. Take away what caused the problem. While he is asleep, cut it off and put it in the garbage disposal. No more problems.
Just do a better job at home and he wouldn't want or have the energy to "cheat".
Tom he obviously has enough testosterone to keep the work going at several homes.
Wonder how much more work he could have done if he didn't have the job of playing golf?
not sure about that but hes about to have a lot less money.