The Jay Leno Show

● Congratulations to President Barack Obama, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. Don't get too excited, he hasn't actually collected it yet. Let's see if he can follow through on this. Remember the last time he flew to Europe for that Olympic thing . . . that was a sure thing too.

● According to The New York Times, the mob has now gotten into Medicare fraud. But the good news is, when they do break your legs there's a good chance you're covered.

● A woman in Great Britain has died after being hit in the back of the head by a golf ball, on the first hole. Her husband was so distraught, he only played the front nine.

The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien

● Earlier today, the Nobel Prize for Economics was awarded to a woman for the first time ever. So congratulations, Michelle Obama . . .

● This weekend in Washington D.C., there was a huge gay rights rally and one of the most popular chants was, “Hey Obama — let mama marry mama!” Historians are calling this the best gay rights chant since “Hey Dwight D. Eisenhower — let Mike and Steve share a shower!”

● Rain is predicted for the next couple of days in Los Angeles, and forecasters are warning that the rain could cause significant mudslides. On the bright side they’re pretty sure the mud won’t catch fire.

● A former employee of Oprah Winfrey is claiming that she was wrongfully terminated and is suing Oprah for $75,000. After hearing about it, Oprah said, “$75,000? That is adorable.”

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Things Christopher Columbus Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10. "Please tell me you've been TiVoing 'Gossip Girl'"
9. "Good Lord, this country got obese!"
8. "Forget me — salute the guy who invented the bacon cheese doughnut burger"
7. "Is that the same John McCain who was on the Pinta?"
6. "I discovered the country, and all I get is a sale at Sears"
5. "My most recent discovery? Paul Shaffer's hilarious new memoir, 'We'll Be Here for the Rest of Our Lives' available now"
4. "Comedy at 10 p.m.! It's about time!"
3. "I give A-Rod and Kate Hudson two months"
2. "I believe that it is possible for man, with adequate rations and supplies, to circumnavigate Kirstie Alley"
1. "I'm 558 years old, and I still look better than Letterman"

Late Show with David Letterman

● It’s Columbus Day. I went to the Columbus Day Parade and ended up with a sore back. I had to lift Mayor Bloomberg up so he could see.

● In honor of Columbus Day, Dick Cheney’s cholesterol was 1492.

● President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Meanwhile, at an Arizona senior citizens home, John McCain is screaming, “Bingo!”

● The president says he wants to do away with the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in the military. This is not to be confused with George Bush’s “Don’t know, don’t care” policy.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

● The Chicago Cubs are filing for bankruptcy. They’re from Chicago; they’ve spent millions of dollars they don’t have . . . I smell Nobel Peace Prize.

● Rush Limbaugh has been named one of the judges in the Miss America pageant. I’m thinking, “A loud-mouthed judge who likes prescription painkillers?” Well, it worked on “American Idol.”

● It’s Columbus Day. But I have to work today. CBS believes that the way to celebrate people coming to America is to make an immigrant work.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

● Yesterday Israel threatened to attack Iran if international sanctions are not in place by Christmas. To which people in both nations said, “Umm . . . what’s Christmas?”

● Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich will make an appearance on Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice.” It’s part of Trump’s plan to make his own hair look normal.

● Yesterday morning Pope Benedict named five new saints to the Catholic Church. Though some are questioning whether Obama really deserved it.

● A company in Massachusetts has created a flying car that can change from a plane into a car in less than a minute. Captain Sully Sullenberger said “Big deal — I turned a plane into a boat.”

Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

Jackson's burnt hair up for sale

By VINCE SOODIN

Published: Today
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SINGED strands of Michael Jackson's hair that were burned in a Pepsi advert are coming up for sale.

They were collected by Ralph Cohen, the executive producer of the commercial, who took off his coat to put the flames out on the singer's head.

Jackson was said to have never fully recovered from the second degree burns and an autopsy reportedly showed he was almost bald.

The hair was preserved after the accident in 1984 by Mr Cohen and the 12 strands are clearly singed.

You can see video of the accident below

They are coming up for sale along with a transcript of Mr Cohen's account of the accident.

In it he recalls how rehearsals had gone well and the first take was fine and then as Jackson walked down some steps the pyrotechnics set his hair on fire.

Mr Cohen recalled: "And then, as Michael on his cue, was supposed to come down the stairs the explosion went off and the first thing I noticed was - he was about half way down the stairs - and I noticed flame emanating from his hair.

"And it took me a moment to register what exactly was happening because there was so much lights and so many different things go on sic] it was a little confusing but I noticed his hair was on fire and I immediately rushed out from my position.

"I pulled my jacket off as I was running and proceeded to, when I reached him, put it over his head."

The hair and Mr Cohen's account as well as a signed colour photo of Jackson are set to make up to £1,000 when they go under the hammer.

Burns

They are said to be worth twice as much since the King of Pop died aged 50 in June.

Just this week Jackson had a track released called This Is It.

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Richard Davie from International Autograph Auctions is selling them at the Edwardian Radisson Hotel at Heathrow, London, on October 17.

He said: "This memorabilia has doubled in price since Michael Jackson died.

"The hair was collected by Ralph Cohen who worked on the Pepsi advert when Jackson's hair caught fire.

"The strands are clearly burned and were picked up after the incident that left Jackson with second degree burns.

"Jackson has huge global appeal with collectors all around the world.

"Of all the things he has done, including dangling his baby from the window and sleeping in an oxygen tent, the hair burning incident stands out.

"There will be lots of people who will want to buy these items as souvenirs and those who would like them as investments."

The lot is estimated to sell for £1,000.

"That's pretty amazing, Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize." --Jay Leno

"The Nobel committee said he won for creating a new climate for international politics. which sounds so much nicer than 'In your face George Bush you cowboy a**hole.'" --Bill Maher

"President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass." --Conan O'Brien

"Conservatives say the award represents everything they stand against: black people, foreigners, and peace." --Bill Maher

"Obama said he will attend the ceremony in Oslo if he's not too busy with the two wars he's conducting." –Bill Maher

"I thought it was very ironic that he won the Nobel Prize for peace on a day we bombed the moon." --Bill Maher

"President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer." --Jay Leno

"The President held a press conference tonight in prime time. All the major networks carried it, except Fox. They ran the show 'Lie to Me' instead. Fox is something -- they killed President David Palmer off on '24,' they put his brother, President Wayne Palmer, into a permanent coma and now this. What does Fox have against black Presidents?” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office, which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out. We couldn’t return him now even if we wanted to.” --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Barack Obama told his Cabinet yesterday to insure that every taxpayer dollar is spent wisely. But there was one embarrassing moment when he had to explain to the Cabinet what a taxpayer was." --Jay Leno

"President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley -- all dependents." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno

"Well, the wait is over. The Obamas have chosen a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Very cute dog. Their first choice was a wheaten terrier, but it was arrested for tax evasion." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama made a surprise visit to Iraq this week where he declared it is time for Iraqis to take responsibility for their country. Said Iraqis, 'You guys first.'" --Seth Meyers

"So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they're saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope." --Jay Leno

"As you know by now, the government is now taking an active role in the auto business. President Obama offering hope, change, and 0 percent financing." --Jay Leno

"It's a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That's quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million." --Craig Ferguson

"President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen." --David Letterman

"Big day in Detroit. You may have heard about this. The Obama Administration asked General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed, which is good news for Obama. You know, the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. And even then, he had to promise her a job as Secretary of State." --Jay Leno

"And in a speech in Anchorage, Alaska, Sarah Palin took kind of a cheap shot at her former running mate, John McCain. She said she couldn't find anyone to pray with during the campaign. She's not the only one. Between Jesse Jackson and Reverend Wright, Obama couldn't find anybody to pray with either." --Jay Leno

"Today, President Obama announced he is using his own money to redecorate the White House. Meanwhile, he is using taxpayers' money to redecorate the houses of A.I.G. executives." --Craig Ferguson

"Barack Obama is taking his first overseas trip as president tomorrow. He is headed to the G20 economic summit. And he's been rehearsing his opening line to foreign leaders. 'Hi, I'm not George Bush. Hi, I'm not George Bush.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He's concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that's just in his administration." --Jay Leno

"How many watched the President's news conference last night? He got a little testy there, you know. When he was asked why he waited three days to speak out against the AIG bonuses, President Obama said he likes to know what he's talking about before he speaks. So, yet another reversal of the Bush policies." --Jay Leno

"Many people are complaining, though, that Obama is becoming too scripted. Last night, he was having an intimate moment with Michelle, and she said, 'Wait, are you reading the teleprompter?'" --Jimmy Fallon

"On '60 Minutes' the other night, if you saw the interview, reporter Steve Croft asked President Obama how he could laugh with all the financial trouble going on. And the President said it's necessary to have a measure of 'gallows humor to get you through the day.' You know why Obama likes gallows humor? It works much better for him than bowling humor." --Jay Leno

You are F......! CRAZY!!!!! Wow...Do you work for a living??? Hear a bunch of things about you. Think you might be wacked! When is the last time you had any fun in Marlinton????