Ken

Dec 14, 07 - 4:43 PM

Is disclosure on television a good idea?

I've been thinking about this a lot recently since seeing three male disclosures on The Jeremy Kyle Show and two female ones on Trisha. We're all chatting on the internet about CSA which some would argue, is the same thing, the whole wired world could read this board if they wanted.

There's just something about up to 2million people seeing that disclosure straight away and then the few thousand who might catch the repeat - and on both occasions, then not seeing the after-care that's provided (JK is worse for this than Trisha, the latter at least publishes a Survivor's Guide that you can request). My first disclosure was over the phone but that was for referral, when it came to friends it was MSN all the way, I didn't want to be sat in the same room as the person I was disclosing to. (crap grammar but you know what I mean)

So is it ever a good idea to take the TV route? At least if you chose to write a book you'd have a whole year to think about it.

Andrew

Dec 15th, 2007 - 6:40 PM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Hi Ken,

I would tread very carefully here. Disclosure is a very personal thing. Mainstream media is a very corrupt place populated at almost every level by inflated people who are self-serving, vain, flaky, destructively narccisstic, opportunistic and corrupt. Firstly, if there is an opportunity to get something wrong (either by laziness or it's own agenda) the media will never disappoint!! Plus everything with the media comes at a price - it is inevitable that you will be exploited in one way or another.

I think that's okay if it's a two-way street - say for example you wanted to raise awareness or educate and the corrupted media people thought the item was 'juicy' enough to get bums on seats (this is all they care about) then we're all happy, but with something as personal as this you would be throwing yourself at the mercy of a machine that sometimes pretends to care or inform just to get our attention/money.

I'm sure Steve would back me up on this (hope so anyway!) but by todays western cultural standards, the way the media operates is actually part of the problem and whenever it attempts to be part of the solution it's like wiping a table with a dirty cloth.

The book idea is a perfect example, appearing on a show like Trish God (who I agree is more right-on than Kylie and actually she does some great work outside of her chat show) with a book to promote is a better way of using the media than just going on there and exposing yourself.

By the way, yer grammer's fine mate.

Ken

Dec 16th, 2007 - 2:18 PM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Thanks for the reply Andrew, I should have made it clear that I wasn't thinking about doing so personally, I would go the book route if I ever wanted "nuclear disclosure" so to speak.

I just thought it was interesting and might request Trisha's Survivor guide to see what they're giving out, the next time they advertise it. The people who appear are certainly gutsy, I couldn't do it, even if I am doing better one year in.

§tèvë

Dec 20th, 2007 - 2:55 PM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Back from the living dead and feeling lots better!

I have nothing to add to this, as Im a bit of a media junkie when it comes to doing TV chatshows, programmes on abuse issues and 'disclosing' what happened to me as a kid/teenager

By that I mean i have appeared on countless TV programme, and radio slots, and had a major input into several TV programmes on male rape, and assorted issues around male survivors over the years

§tèvë

Andrew

Dec 30th, 2007 - 12:50 AM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Hi Steve,

Good for you mate - at least you are 'using it' for a good reason. I think you're doing yerself down a bit there 'cos that's not quite a media junkie in my book. Media junkies are the ones who swallow the remaining 65% of mainstream shit in papers, mags, TV and cinemas these days.

But my feelings on this matter are based on personal experience originating from a period in my life prior to recovery when I was involved in the entertainment industry, and it is a very corrupt place that feeds into and exacerbates all the worst co-dependent issues that come from being an incest victim. That's why there's such a huge concentration of alcoholics, drug-addicts, gamblers and sex addicts milling around in showbiz land - it's like one flew over the cuckoos nest in there!

Consequently once I started recovery I found it increasingly difficult to stay involved with it and the people in it too.

I maintain that it is part of the problem. It's definitely self-perpetuating. In fact, despite not being a great fan of what the internet has become (due to the junkies themselves) it is a far better medium for info and shared ideas because it doesn't go through the showbiz filter that is inherent in all other forms of mainstream media, well, at least not as much anyway.

For example, can you imagine what it would be like if this website was a TV programme with so-called heads of departments, writers, editors, researchers, producers, presenters, stylists, make-up artists, floor managers etc involved? Each and every one of them trying their best to conceal their self-serving showbiz dreams and ambitions. It wouldn't be long before your original idea started to mutate into something else.

BTW, didn't know you were under the weather, (or undead for that matter!!) but glad you are back from wherever you were anyway!

There, thats my christmas rant over and done with, I'll get back in my box now.

A

Andrew

Dec 30th, 2007 - 1:11 AM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Oh also, this is for you Ken, I forgot to say, are you aware of NAPAC's surviors guide? I found that very useful when I first started dealing with my childhood stuff. They also can supply a really good catalogue from DABS (well it's about 6 or 7 typed pages stapled together) of books including three very important ones, 'Victims No Longer' by Mike Lew, 'The Courage To Heal' by Ellen Bass/Laura Davis and 'Breaking Free' by Kay Toon. The first one is specifically for men, the second is mainly for women but I think men need to read it too. My wife and I would have been completely in the dark without them (she is also an abuse survivor).

I can give you phone numbers and contact addresses for them if you need them, or I'm sure Steve can too.

Hope this is of some use to you.

Andrew

§tèvë

Dec 30th, 2007 - 12:51 PM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Hi Andrew

I was laid low by a sickness and diarrhoea bug, which started over 3 weeks ago, so the leadup to christmas was a washout, and so was christmas too!

I still feel sick, but thankfully an injection fom my doctor has stopped me from being actually being sick, but I have not eaten properly since, and lost almost a stone in weight too! (A bonus!)

Anyhow, I have had enough of feeling shit so wont give into it and am off to London to see the New Year in.

Back to your message..

I'm also aware of the amount of people who are abuse survivors in the media world, having had countless disclosures from people I have worked with over the years, when doing tv programmes, etc and also my work with guys who took the same route as you into that work, and the assorted addictions, only to realise that its not for them.

Quite a few of the guys have been drawn into that work because it allows them to hide behind a mask, but it also allows them to become part of a 'family', who are just as fucked up as everyone else.

The bit about if this website was a tv programme made me smile, because some ex group members have come into group, tried to take control of the process, made demands that we change the times, days and place of group, and we even had one guy demand that because he travelled further than some others that he be given extra time to talk and be listened to!

He wasnt happy when he found out that other guys came further than he did!

Real good to have you with us mate and wish you and yours a great new year!

§tèvë

Ken

Jan 9th, 2008 - 1:05 AM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Hi again Andrew

Victims No Longer I've read and should probably re-read as a year goes by so quickly, Courage To Heal I bought myself for Xmas, I'll track down Kay Toon's once I'm a decent way into "Courage", towards the end of the year my head started getting book shaped and I took a break from the information overload or read other non-abuse-specific survival stories.

Will check the NAPAC site, really want to get back to work and life in general after a whole year of therapy and more to come.

§tèvë

Jan 9th, 2008 - 9:21 AM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Hi Ken

I consider my so lucky in that I can call Mike Lew (Victims No Longer author) a good friend of mine and also someone that I have had the pleasure of working with, and staying with over the years.

I also know Kay Toon (Breaking Free co -author) and had met Caroline too, but sadly she died suddenly at a young age, a few years ago, and shes badly missed by all.

Also had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know Ellen Bass too, but after almost 20 years of doing this work, the survivor world becomes a little more smaller and you get to meet everyone whos anyone.

Try to avoid overload of written material though, otherwise you risk becoming bogged down by intellect and avoid the feelings and emotions that part of healing too

Good to have you with us

S

Andrew

Jan 10th, 2008 - 10:39 AM

Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea?

Hi Ken,

Obviously it's different for everyone but I think it depends on where one is as far as the
emotional/intellectual split is concerned. Yes, one has to feel the feelings but at the same time one also has to learn about how to do that, or even learn that they need to do it in the first place (if that makes any sense).

All of us have been 'taught' to behave in dysfunctional ways, not just by our parents but by the society we/they live in. It's a viscous circle, they are the product of our dysfunctional society, and society is like it is because of how each generation carried on the disease etc blah until it becomes accepted as normality. These are the people who say things like 'I'm not about to go and talk to some head-shrink stranger about personal stuff and anyway, I'm not mad' and whose retort to any strain of conversation that goes deeper than the superficial level they are used to is 'What are you, a psychiatrist?'

I personally don't believe that psycho-education is something reserved for the acedemic, maintaining spiritual and emotional health should be a part of life rather than something we go to professionals for.

I suppose the short version of what I'm tring to say is that reading stuff needen't contribute to ones intellect racing ahead of one emotions, it depends on what you are reading. But if as a result of our upbringing we are cut off from our feelings, they won't come to us on their own, we need to learn about them.

By the same token and to echo what Steve was saying we all do it at our own pace too.

Andrew.

Author	Comment
Ken Dec 14, 07 - 4:43 PM	Is disclosure on television a good idea? I've been thinking about this a lot recently since seeing three male disclosures on The Jeremy Kyle Show and two female ones on Trisha. We're all chatting on the internet about CSA which some would argue, is the same thing, the whole wired world could read this board if they wanted. There's just something about up to 2million people seeing that disclosure straight away and then the few thousand who might catch the repeat - and on both occasions, then not seeing the after-care that's provided (JK is worse for this than Trisha, the latter at least publishes a Survivor's Guide that you can request). My first disclosure was over the phone but that was for referral, when it came to friends it was MSN all the way, I didn't want to be sat in the same room as the person I was disclosing to. (crap grammar but you know what I mean) So is it ever a good idea to take the TV route? At least if you chose to write a book you'd have a whole year to think about it.
Andrew Dec 15th, 2007 - 6:40 PM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Hi Ken, I would tread very carefully here. Disclosure is a very personal thing. Mainstream media is a very corrupt place populated at almost every level by inflated people who are self-serving, vain, flaky, destructively narccisstic, opportunistic and corrupt. Firstly, if there is an opportunity to get something wrong (either by laziness or it's own agenda) the media will never disappoint!! Plus everything with the media comes at a price - it is inevitable that you will be exploited in one way or another. I think that's okay if it's a two-way street - say for example you wanted to raise awareness or educate and the corrupted media people thought the item was 'juicy' enough to get bums on seats (this is all they care about) then we're all happy, but with something as personal as this you would be throwing yourself at the mercy of a machine that sometimes pretends to care or inform just to get our attention/money. I'm sure Steve would back me up on this (hope so anyway!) but by todays western cultural standards, the way the media operates is actually part of the problem and whenever it attempts to be part of the solution it's like wiping a table with a dirty cloth. The book idea is a perfect example, appearing on a show like Trish God (who I agree is more right-on than Kylie and actually she does some great work outside of her chat show) with a book to promote is a better way of using the media than just going on there and exposing yourself. By the way, yer grammer's fine mate.
Ken Dec 16th, 2007 - 2:18 PM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Thanks for the reply Andrew, I should have made it clear that I wasn't thinking about doing so personally, I would go the book route if I ever wanted "nuclear disclosure" so to speak. I just thought it was interesting and might request Trisha's Survivor guide to see what they're giving out, the next time they advertise it. The people who appear are certainly gutsy, I couldn't do it, even if I am doing better one year in.
§tèvë Dec 20th, 2007 - 2:55 PM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Back from the living dead and feeling lots better! I have nothing to add to this, as Im a bit of a media junkie when it comes to doing TV chatshows, programmes on abuse issues and 'disclosing' what happened to me as a kid/teenager By that I mean i have appeared on countless TV programme, and radio slots, and had a major input into several TV programmes on male rape, and assorted issues around male survivors over the years §tèvë
Andrew Dec 30th, 2007 - 12:50 AM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Hi Steve, Good for you mate - at least you are 'using it' for a good reason. I think you're doing yerself down a bit there 'cos that's not quite a media junkie in my book. Media junkies are the ones who swallow the remaining 65% of mainstream shit in papers, mags, TV and cinemas these days. But my feelings on this matter are based on personal experience originating from a period in my life prior to recovery when I was involved in the entertainment industry, and it is a very corrupt place that feeds into and exacerbates all the worst co-dependent issues that come from being an incest victim. That's why there's such a huge concentration of alcoholics, drug-addicts, gamblers and sex addicts milling around in showbiz land - it's like one flew over the cuckoos nest in there! Consequently once I started recovery I found it increasingly difficult to stay involved with it and the people in it too. I maintain that it is part of the problem. It's definitely self-perpetuating. In fact, despite not being a great fan of what the internet has become (due to the junkies themselves) it is a far better medium for info and shared ideas because it doesn't go through the showbiz filter that is inherent in all other forms of mainstream media, well, at least not as much anyway. For example, can you imagine what it would be like if this website was a TV programme with so-called heads of departments, writers, editors, researchers, producers, presenters, stylists, make-up artists, floor managers etc involved? Each and every one of them trying their best to conceal their self-serving showbiz dreams and ambitions. It wouldn't be long before your original idea started to mutate into something else. BTW, didn't know you were under the weather, (or undead for that matter!!) but glad you are back from wherever you were anyway! There, thats my christmas rant over and done with, I'll get back in my box now. A
Andrew Dec 30th, 2007 - 1:11 AM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Oh also, this is for you Ken, I forgot to say, are you aware of NAPAC's surviors guide? I found that very useful when I first started dealing with my childhood stuff. They also can supply a really good catalogue from DABS (well it's about 6 or 7 typed pages stapled together) of books including three very important ones, 'Victims No Longer' by Mike Lew, 'The Courage To Heal' by Ellen Bass/Laura Davis and 'Breaking Free' by Kay Toon. The first one is specifically for men, the second is mainly for women but I think men need to read it too. My wife and I would have been completely in the dark without them (she is also an abuse survivor). I can give you phone numbers and contact addresses for them if you need them, or I'm sure Steve can too. Hope this is of some use to you. Andrew
§tèvë Dec 30th, 2007 - 12:51 PM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Hi Andrew I was laid low by a sickness and diarrhoea bug, which started over 3 weeks ago, so the leadup to christmas was a washout, and so was christmas too! I still feel sick, but thankfully an injection fom my doctor has stopped me from being actually being sick, but I have not eaten properly since, and lost almost a stone in weight too! (A bonus!) Anyhow, I have had enough of feeling shit so wont give into it and am off to London to see the New Year in. Back to your message.. I'm also aware of the amount of people who are abuse survivors in the media world, having had countless disclosures from people I have worked with over the years, when doing tv programmes, etc and also my work with guys who took the same route as you into that work, and the assorted addictions, only to realise that its not for them. Quite a few of the guys have been drawn into that work because it allows them to hide behind a mask, but it also allows them to become part of a 'family', who are just as fucked up as everyone else. The bit about if this website was a tv programme made me smile, because some ex group members have come into group, tried to take control of the process, made demands that we change the times, days and place of group, and we even had one guy demand that because he travelled further than some others that he be given extra time to talk and be listened to! He wasnt happy when he found out that other guys came further than he did! Real good to have you with us mate and wish you and yours a great new year! §tèvë
Ken Jan 9th, 2008 - 1:05 AM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Hi again Andrew Victims No Longer I've read and should probably re-read as a year goes by so quickly, Courage To Heal I bought myself for Xmas, I'll track down Kay Toon's once I'm a decent way into "Courage", towards the end of the year my head started getting book shaped and I took a break from the information overload or read other non-abuse-specific survival stories. Will check the NAPAC site, really want to get back to work and life in general after a whole year of therapy and more to come.
§tèvë Jan 9th, 2008 - 9:21 AM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Hi Ken I consider my so lucky in that I can call Mike Lew (Victims No Longer author) a good friend of mine and also someone that I have had the pleasure of working with, and staying with over the years. I also know Kay Toon (Breaking Free co -author) and had met Caroline too, but sadly she died suddenly at a young age, a few years ago, and shes badly missed by all. Also had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know Ellen Bass too, but after almost 20 years of doing this work, the survivor world becomes a little more smaller and you get to meet everyone whos anyone. Try to avoid overload of written material though, otherwise you risk becoming bogged down by intellect and avoid the feelings and emotions that part of healing too Good to have you with us S
Andrew Jan 10th, 2008 - 10:39 AM	Re: Is disclosure on television a good idea? Hi Ken, Obviously it's different for everyone but I think it depends on where one is as far as the emotional/intellectual split is concerned. Yes, one has to feel the feelings but at the same time one also has to learn about how to do that, or even learn that they need to do it in the first place (if that makes any sense). All of us have been 'taught' to behave in dysfunctional ways, not just by our parents but by the society we/they live in. It's a viscous circle, they are the product of our dysfunctional society, and society is like it is because of how each generation carried on the disease etc blah until it becomes accepted as normality. These are the people who say things like 'I'm not about to go and talk to some head-shrink stranger about personal stuff and anyway, I'm not mad' and whose retort to any strain of conversation that goes deeper than the superficial level they are used to is 'What are you, a psychiatrist?' I personally don't believe that psycho-education is something reserved for the acedemic, maintaining spiritual and emotional health should be a part of life rather than something we go to professionals for. I suppose the short version of what I'm tring to say is that reading stuff needen't contribute to ones intellect racing ahead of one emotions, it depends on what you are reading. But if as a result of our upbringing we are cut off from our feelings, they won't come to us on their own, we need to learn about them. By the same token and to echo what Steve was saying we all do it at our own pace too. Andrew.