martin

Oct 2, 07 - 7:06 PM

one night to go !!!

hi all
i am sat here in a mess !!! one more night to go before i start counceling and i am shitting myself i have been puting this of for years and years and now its time to face up to the truth about what went on a child and how i still feel like a trapped child still and have never been happy !!! i am so scared about what i will find out about myself and what happened all i can say is that at the min i feel like i was in a car crash ie...i no something bad has happened but when i try and remember it my mind go's blank ..so wish me luck i dont no what is going to happen to me ...we will see there is so much ANGER AND SADDNESS INSIDE ME which is now days ruleing my life and destroying ( selfharming and destroying relationships you all no what its like !!!anyway wish me luck at 6.00pm tomorrow night

Ken

Oct 2nd, 2007 - 8:24 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

Good luck mate. Everyone feels this way the day before.

Steve will chip in with his experience as the professional.

From my experience earlier this year, first sessions are normally an extension of any referral over the phone, that is if you get to see your nominated counsellor at all - I didn't, I met the person I spoke to on the telephone. That was a good way to ease myself into both the commute and the idea of opening up.

Even if you do get to see your actual therapist, the first session proper will be an introduction. He'll have the notes from your referral phone call, he'll go through them and generally sum up. If you're comfortable with him and vice versa, that'll be it.

You can work towards remembering the abuse long-term, since this isn't a sprint. Not remembering's the first thing to tell them! I'll leave it there, but basically relax and have something planned to wind down afterwards (see my other thread re Group Therapy for ideas).

Everything else, take it away Steve...

§tèvë

Oct 2nd, 2007 - 8:38 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

Hi Martin

I fully understand how it feels to walk into a group and how if feels to be so scared, having done it myself way back in the dark ages ( c.1988 ) and when I did do it, i set the terms and conditions of how i would be treated and was known as Mr Angry, but I soon calmed down, listened to what was being said and lost some of myths I had built up over the years.

When I left my first my group session, I spent the train journey home attacted to the loo, and shit myself, but thankfully not myself!!

As the professional worker, i have guys coming to mee almost daily and almost all are feeling the same way you are mate, and all of them soon settle down and feel safe knowing that they're no longer alone.

So, deep breath, make sure you go tomorrrow, and join what is becoming a great group of real men, unafraid of being seen and being heard to speak out and brea the silence that isnt ours to keep

§tèvë

martin

Oct 2nd, 2007 - 9:51 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

thanks steve
i have had my X girlfriend and my mum(in cyprus ) on the phone both giveing me the encoragement to go and to start talking so yes i am going !!! i think i might need a beer or two after ..we will have to see anyway thanks once again guys ...i have been a biker for years but this is the hardest thing i have fought !!!

§tèvë

Oct 2nd, 2007 - 10:05 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

Keep just one thing in mind Martin

The child, who was abused and hurt, grew up to become you, so now it's your turn to help that child fully heal

After all, he's already done this once, (As in went through the shit that he had imposed upon him) and now its your turn to do so.

Let me know how yoy get on mate and dont get to ratted either, as its wont help you feel the power of healing that will start to kick in

Good luck mate!

§tèvë

martin

Oct 2nd, 2007 - 10:44 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

thanks steve
i will reply tommorow night if poss
thanks once again
ps just want to say what a great site this is I WISH I HAD FOUND IT BEFORE !!!

martin

Oct 3rd, 2007 - 6:21 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

what i complete f***up today has been my boss sendes me into london with no tom tom to do my forklift training and can i find the place ???? NO !!! i arrive two hours late and then finish at 4.00pm and then get lost comeing back to watford AND THEN GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON THE M1 !!! so i end up missing my first counceling appoitment AND FEELING REALLY PISSED OF WITH EVERYTHING !!!! it seams to me that what ever i do some things comes along and f***s it up for me !!! all i want to do is get my head sorted out IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK GGGGGGGRRRRRRR !!!!!!!

§tèvë

Oct 3rd, 2007 - 6:55 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

Hi Martin

Sounds a fucking nightmare mate (You can swear on here!!)

I'm working on the helpline this evening, so by all means, feel free to give me a call mate, and rant, rave, shout, scream and perhaps even talk

S

martin

Oct 5th, 2007 - 5:38 PM

Re: one night to go !!!

hi steve
just to say i passed my forklifting NVQ !!! and I DID NOT GET LOST TODAY WWWWOOOHHHH

now all ineed to do is sort out my head (might take a bit longer

anyway i am feeling really good today ..it makes a change !!!

§tèvë

Oct 5th, 2007 - 6:35 PM

Well done!

Well done mate!

That will enable you to do more now.

As for getting sorted, headwise...that will happen too fella, so make sure you keep moving forward, and fuck the past!

If you falter, give me a shout and I'l kickstart you again mate

§tèvë

Author	Comment
martin Oct 2, 07 - 7:06 PM	one night to go !!! hi all i am sat here in a mess !!! one more night to go before i start counceling and i am shitting myself i have been puting this of for years and years and now its time to face up to the truth about what went on a child and how i still feel like a trapped child still and have never been happy !!! i am so scared about what i will find out about myself and what happened all i can say is that at the min i feel like i was in a car crash ie...i no something bad has happened but when i try and remember it my mind go's blank ..so wish me luck i dont no what is going to happen to me ...we will see there is so much ANGER AND SADDNESS INSIDE ME which is now days ruleing my life and destroying ( selfharming and destroying relationships you all no what its like !!!anyway wish me luck at 6.00pm tomorrow night
Ken Oct 2nd, 2007 - 8:24 PM	Re: one night to go !!! Good luck mate. Everyone feels this way the day before. Steve will chip in with his experience as the professional. From my experience earlier this year, first sessions are normally an extension of any referral over the phone, that is if you get to see your nominated counsellor at all - I didn't, I met the person I spoke to on the telephone. That was a good way to ease myself into both the commute and the idea of opening up. Even if you do get to see your actual therapist, the first session proper will be an introduction. He'll have the notes from your referral phone call, he'll go through them and generally sum up. If you're comfortable with him and vice versa, that'll be it. You can work towards remembering the abuse long-term, since this isn't a sprint. Not remembering's the first thing to tell them! I'll leave it there, but basically relax and have something planned to wind down afterwards (see my other thread re Group Therapy for ideas). Everything else, take it away Steve...
§tèvë Oct 2nd, 2007 - 8:38 PM	Re: one night to go !!! Hi Martin I fully understand how it feels to walk into a group and how if feels to be so scared, having done it myself way back in the dark ages ( c.1988 ) and when I did do it, i set the terms and conditions of how i would be treated and was known as Mr Angry, but I soon calmed down, listened to what was being said and lost some of myths I had built up over the years. When I left my first my group session, I spent the train journey home attacted to the loo, and shit myself, but thankfully not myself!! As the professional worker, i have guys coming to mee almost daily and almost all are feeling the same way you are mate, and all of them soon settle down and feel safe knowing that they're no longer alone. So, deep breath, make sure you go tomorrrow, and join what is becoming a great group of real men, unafraid of being seen and being heard to speak out and brea the silence that isnt ours to keep §tèvë
martin Oct 2nd, 2007 - 9:51 PM	Re: one night to go !!! thanks steve i have had my X girlfriend and my mum(in cyprus ) on the phone both giveing me the encoragement to go and to start talking so yes i am going !!! i think i might need a beer or two after ..we will have to see anyway thanks once again guys ...i have been a biker for years but this is the hardest thing i have fought !!!
§tèvë Oct 2nd, 2007 - 10:05 PM	Re: one night to go !!! Keep just one thing in mind Martin The child, who was abused and hurt, grew up to become you, so now it's your turn to help that child fully heal After all, he's already done this once, (As in went through the shit that he had imposed upon him) and now its your turn to do so. Let me know how yoy get on mate and dont get to ratted either, as its wont help you feel the power of healing that will start to kick in Good luck mate! §tèvë
martin Oct 2nd, 2007 - 10:44 PM	Re: one night to go !!! thanks steve i will reply tommorow night if poss thanks once again ps just want to say what a great site this is I WISH I HAD FOUND IT BEFORE !!!
martin Oct 3rd, 2007 - 6:21 PM	Re: one night to go !!! what i complete f*up today has been my boss sendes me into london with no tom tom to do my forklift training and can i find the place ???? NO !!! i arrive two hours late and then finish at 4.00pm and then get lost comeing back to watford AND THEN GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC ON THE M1 !!! so i end up missing my first counceling appoitment AND FEELING REALLY PISSED OF WITH EVERYTHING !!!! it seams to me that what ever i do some things comes along and f*s it up for me !!! all i want to do is get my head sorted out IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK GGGGGGGRRRRRRR !!!!!!!
§tèvë Oct 3rd, 2007 - 6:55 PM	Re: one night to go !!! Hi Martin Sounds a fucking nightmare mate (You can swear on here!!) I'm working on the helpline this evening, so by all means, feel free to give me a call mate, and rant, rave, shout, scream and perhaps even talk S
martin Oct 5th, 2007 - 5:38 PM	Re: one night to go !!! hi steve just to say i passed my forklifting NVQ !!! and I DID NOT GET LOST TODAY WWWWOOOHHHH now all ineed to do is sort out my head (might take a bit longer anyway i am feeling really good today ..it makes a change !!!
§tèvë Oct 5th, 2007 - 6:35 PM	Well done! Well done mate! That will enable you to do more now. As for getting sorted, headwise...that will happen too fella, so make sure you keep moving forward, and fuck the past! If you falter, give me a shout and I'l kickstart you again mate §tèvë