FOR ADULT MALE SURVIVORS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE/RAPE
EMAIL US HERE
|
|
|
| Return to Website | ||
 First |
 Prev |
 Reply |
 Home |
Next  |
Last  |
| Viewing Page 1 of 1 (Total Posts: 2) |
| Author | Comment |
martin
 May 8, 07 - 8:17 PM |
Fate
I was watching a re-run of the 1997 general election last night, and I heard our hailed leader saying how he wouldn't be where he is today (1997), without the care, nuturing and loving support from his father. This reminded me how vulnerable we are as children, and how the fate lies with the Gods. I retrained as a dietitian 10 years ago, after being a plumber previously. In this job and the last, I always get the seeds of low self esteem, 'you aren't good enough, anyone can do this, etc, etc. Where does this come from? My spiteful, jealous father, thats where! He abused me, sexually, mentally and physically, saying things like, you aren't as clever as me etc (the cunt is a factory worker, for fucks sake!!). I often remember speaking to the ward clerk, when I started my first NHS job, she said that confidence is the greatest gifts you can give a kid. That is so true! I also see now that time is flying at break neck speed, and that I am allowing the cunt-fuck to rule my head. I also watched Lost on Sunday night, and found that John had to cut off from his father, symbolically killing him. I am getting to the point where I realise that I am good at what I do, and gaining a self believe, albeit slowly, and 20 years retardedly! I feel envious of people my own age who appear much more sucessful than me. That could of been me, if only! |
|
Ken
Jun 14th, 2007 - 11:32 AM |
Re: Fate
Martin, I'm arriving at your post a month late and since you had sewn the seeds of self-confidence I'm hoping you are no longer comparing yourself to others, though survivors just have to fight to get whatever people who haven't been abused have "got" in life if they were never put down massively and controlled by their families or abusers. "If only/I wish/I could have/should have" is timewasting, life-wasting dead talk and I've said it myself plenty of times though not about the abuse but professionally/career-wise which is the other big area apart from relationships where abuse can really clip your wings. Envy is also a waste of energy that stops you moving forward for you if you are making unrealistic comparisons. No more beating yourself up mate, you have to learn to say "I have X but I want Y" and then see what you have to do to get from X to Y, educationally or training wise. That's what I'm doing anyway and I have to, my contract isn't getting renewed and I have to find something else to pay my mortgage and therapy bills. So I have a shotgun incentive. |
| First |
Prev |
Reply |
Home |
Next |
Last |
powered by
bravenet.com