Support group for service families, friends and those who wish to support our Troops
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Parcels 43 - Supporting Our Troops
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| Viewing Page 1 of 1 (Total Posts: 21) |
| Author | Comment |
louise
May 4, 08 - 9:47 AM |
advice please
Hi, just venting really, but i'm really worried about b/f, he's been back from afghan for 5 weeks, he's back home (250 miles away,) i've seen him for a day then he went on hols with his son, got back saying he had food poisoning (2 weeks ago), he's lethargic, not feeling social, won't answer the phone, rarely texting, sleeping all day (probably drinking.) I have a nasty feeling it's p.t.s.d. but can do absolutely nothing about it, just have to wait for him to work it out, i just know he won't get any help. am i over-reacting?? 
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PinkAngel
May 4th, 2008 - 10:02 AM |
Re: advice please
Hi Louise , No hun your certainly not over reacting , its always best to air on the side of caution with these things and its perfetly understandable that you are concerned about him . What is your B/f like ordinarily , does he often text and make visits to see you ? . We have a link on the front page of our site to a group called mind in the links section that you can call confidentially about P.T.S.D and they will give you lots of information . I have spoken to these people myself and so has Teresa and they are very helpful . Its very hard to try and get the guys to realise that they may have a problem. Have you asked him if you can see him and have a chat to him about why he is feeling the way he is ?. Always here for you hun if you need to talk  xx
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louise
May 4th, 2008 - 10:14 AM |
Re: advice please
Thanks pink, your a gem, i've been asking him how he is by txt...he not answering phone!! he was really grumpy yesterday and said he'd txt me when better, which is when the penny dropped, he's not amazing at comms at the best of times, but is much worse at the mo, which is wierd as when he got back from iraq (that was when we first met) he was emailing me non-stop. I will look at the link and have a chat with them, thanks for that advice, but i think i need to see what happens next before i butt in. i think the aghan tour was difficult, but i also think it mihgt have brought stuff back from previousl tours. he does have his brother up there with him, but thanks again, you and teresa seem to know everything in the world. xx |
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Teresa
May 4th, 2008 - 10:24 AM |
Re: advice please
Hi Lousie...When you first met up with your fella after his return, were things alright then? When you have had a long period of time away from each other things often take time to get back to how they once were. Even life with my own son is different, he says he doesn't feel part of the family at times,even though he certainly is. Our lifes all move on and for us its life as usaul for those left behind, our loved ones however have had some difficult situations to deal with and they all cope with this in different ways. Are you in touch with his family? if so try to bring the subject up with them or with a friend you may be in contact with. As Pink has said there are a few numbers on the links page and we have spoken direct ourselves to a few of them. Alot of the guys maybe need help on return and most are working through it with the help of their mates who have been in the same situation with them...I think talking through their experiences seem to help. If he does have a problem he is the only one who can address the problem. Just let him know that you are there for him when he needs you and that you love him very much  to you Louise
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Teresa
May 4th, 2008 - 10:49 AM |
Re: advice please
If we have any guys looking in please offer your thoughts on this, you don't have to leave your name or email addy an initial will do for posting a message  might be nice to have thoughts from someone who knows what being on the other side is like
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Carol
 May 4th, 2008 - 12:32 PM |
Re: advice please
Hello Louise, we hear this so often when troops return from sandy places. If he goes on too long with p.t.s.d. he will never seek help. The British Legion (local branch in directory) are so helpful, they will send someone to visit him, but he needs to agree to this as he will not be happy if they just knock the door, when soldiers suffer this problem they crack at the least little thing. Is he living with his parents? or in a flat of his own? Whatever, he needs to seek help, easier said than done, as they try to cope on their own. Be strong Louise, and if I can help any further please email me. |
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Louise
May 4th, 2008 - 12:46 PM |
Re: advice please
Thanks everybody, will take advice on board, now at least i know where to go for help. he has a brother who lives 5 mins drive away, but b/f is in his house on his own. i'm sure his bro is keeping an eye on him, he is after all an old hand at all this. thanks carol, i'll email you if i need further help, it was better than it was before he left when i did see him, so i'm hoping that's a good sign. he'll be back at work in a week, so maybe he's just working through stuff by himself. i'll keep an eye on him. 
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Rie
May 4th, 2008 - 1:30 PM |
Re: advice please
Hi Louise, As you know I finished thinking of my previous RAF MP anymore after a few weeks he came back from Afghanistan. One of the reasons was he stopped to reply my text or call and also he seemed to do not want to see me. His base is England but we both live in Scotland and we both have cars, so if he would like to see me, if was not impossible to meet. Even if it is because of Afghan war, I could not take anymore. As you know, I met a nice boyfriend. He works late shift in a police and I finish work last as well. For a few weeks after we met, we were exchanging email and text messages every night except the dates when we do not see each other. Then he found that my mobile is pay as you go, he told me install MSN and now we chat about 12 midnight to 1.30am everyday. It is a bit hard for me as somedays my work start at 8am but I think if we do not talk or meet, we cannot know each other well. Sometimes we both complain our work for a long time though. Does your boyfriend prefer not to talk about his work? I believe you already mentioned you are always there for him to talk about his problems in the army. In case of the RAF MP, most of times, I was the first one to start to text or email. I think it was my mistake. Now most of times, my police start to chat firstly. I will be careful if it changes (I start to chat or text), as it maybe means he is not interested in me anymore. He is still not sure if he applies for a department in the army. If he decide to apply, I will ask everyone here, how I can stop him, as I do not want to the same things happen to me. Louise, I am sorry I do not know how I can advise you as I do not know about British military but I would like you to be happy and hope you have a chance to talk to him either email, text, phone, MSN. Will email you later. |
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Teresa
May 4th, 2008 - 3:35 PM |
Re: advice please
What you said about being back at work soon Louise, I do think when they have their post tour leave it puts them in a situation where nobody really knows what they have just gone through,their friends are in civilian jobs and will have little understanding of the hell they may have experienced. Alot of guys and ladies too would not want to tell you the things they had seen or done as they may think you would be shocked or upset and maybe think differently of them. Are you able to take some time and go for a visit Louise before he starts back to work, or maybe see if he can come to london for a couple of days? |
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angie
May 4th, 2008 - 8:57 PM |
Re: advice please
Hi Louise, I have two hats one as an army wife and the other as a Mental Health Nurse, I worked on the Netley Unit, Duchess of Kent hospital before it closed, and alot the lads the I worked with were struggling very much to come back in a normal world after a difficult tour. Everyone is different how they cope, some want to withdraw and think, some need time to let off steam and drink, go out with the lads, some adjust fairly quickly and can swtich their brain into home life. Alot of my patients that I saw struggled with making sense of death, particularly when your peers are the same age or younger, and then they land back here and life hasn't stopped, still the same supermarkets and magazines. It takes a while for the adrenaline to subside, and of course to go for 3-6 months or more with constant noise, and bangs and yelling, to the quietness of a bedroom in the dark and alone can be hard to adjust to. If you are really worried about him, ask him to go to the med centre, there are lots of trained military CPN's that will be able to talk him through what he is feeling, or it maybe once he returns to work and the lads/lasses start to talk together that he will find it easier to make sense of it all. If you want to email me feel free. Hopefully he will be back to his normal self within a week or two. Take care Angie xxxxxxx |
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Teresa
May 4th, 2008 - 9:04 PM |
Re: advice please
Thanks for that Angie...we should give you a job on here... 
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angie
May 4th, 2008 - 9:05 PM |
Re: advice please
lol no worries. I'll take up the role of mental health co-ordinator!! |
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Teresa
May 4th, 2008 - 9:51 PM |
Re: advice please
your on ...write me your statement and you have the Job sorry its even less pay than the current NHS rate ...infact its zero
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louise
May 5th, 2008 - 12:36 PM |
Re: advice please
Thanks everybody, all advice gratefully received. i will give him the space he has asked for and take it from there, but after having so much good advice it has settled my mind somewhat and i do have a confident positive feeling about it all. he's done afghan so many times, and all sorts of other conflicts, it's just new to me. I'm sure all will be well and that he currently knows what he needs. |
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louise
May 14th, 2008 - 7:35 PM |
Re: advice please
Hi all, just to let you know, b/f sounds like he's much better, he's back at work so had to pull himself together, although we didn't see each other at all over leave  he thought it was funny that i hvae a cold, and i think he was up all night working last night...all back to normal then!!
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Teresa
May 14th, 2008 - 8:05 PM |
Re: advice please
so glad that him getting back to work seems to have helped Louise , hopefully you will have some quality time together soon 
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angie
May 14th, 2008 - 9:20 PM |
Re: advice please
Its hard getting the balance, when all you want to do is hug and kiss them, and they need time to sort out their heads. Glad it all worked out Louise, hopefully as you say all back normal. |
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Pink + Hubby
May 14th, 2008 - 9:22 PM |
Re: advice please
Aww Louise im glad to hear things are getting a bit better hun xxx |
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Rie
May 14th, 2008 - 11:40 PM |
Re: advice please
Hi Louise, Glad to hear your BF is much better now. (6 month in Afghanistan is far too long, so he may be knackered lol) Hope you can meet him soon! |
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Teresa
Jul 15th, 2008 - 8:08 PM |
Re: advice please
Is Louise back from her hols yet? hoping all is okay with her too |
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Carol
Jul 15th, 2008 - 8:41 PM |
Re: advice please
Pleased all is ok now Louise. |
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